The Secret to Being a Great Networker? Be More Likable.
Recent research from Harvard University reveals a simple trick to be instantly likable. Best of all, you don't have to say much or do anything special.
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Why do we have to complicate things?
Over the years, I’ve been asked dozens of times, “What’s the secret to networking?”
Is it a numbers game?
Is there some secret to connect with people and form strong relationships?
According to modern research, it seems many of us may be over-complicating a simple networking philosophy.
Be more likable.
Research suggests that a significant portion of daily communication, both verbal and online, revolves around sharing personal experiences and relationships.
So, how do we become more likable when meeting someone new?
Spark a conversation
Ask a question
Ask follow-up questions
It’s often as simple as that.
Spark a Conversation
When you meet someone new, the initial engagement is often difficult.
To encourage dialog and prolong discussions - even if it initially seems to be a one-way conversation - get people to talk about themselves.
Some great conversation starters include:
What’s your background or backstory?
It’s so impressive that you were able to … (offer a compliment)
Tell me more about what you do …
Remember, people love to talk about themselves.
Imagine you meet someone new at a networking event. You chat and they tell a great story. You're interested, but they never ask about you.
Who do you think made a better impression?
I’ve seen the the “one-sided conversation” before where person A, who did all the talking, praises about person B, who did little talking, with the following:
“Person B is the best! I loved talking with her and look forward to meeting with her again soon! What a great listener!”
And the easiest way to spark a conversation is to …
Ask a Question
Research has shown that asking a question dramatically increases how likable other people perceive you to be.
People who show genuine interest by asking questions, especially follow-ups, are more likely to be well-liked and this increases the chances of a long-term relationship.
Examples of a few good initial questions to ask are:
I see by your shirt logo you work at ABC company, what do you do?
I noticed that you have a bit of an accent, where are you from?
I love that hat you’re wearing, where did you get it?
So, you sparked a conversation with an initial question, compliment, or observation.
What’s next?
Form a Bond
The key here, after asking an initial question, is to actually listen to the answer (instead of thinking about what you will say), and follow up with questions that showed you listened and cared about what you heard.
Follow-up questions are a great way to form a bond with your new connection.
To nurture the discussion, try to ask even “deeper questions”, like:
What do you love to do?
What valuable lessons have your learned?
Where do you see yourself in the future?
Research shows that people are more likely to connect and feel happier when discussing their passions and goals, rather than superficial topics like the weather.
The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology recently published:
People want deeper and more intimate relationships but are reluctant to pursue them because they expect that greater intimacy will be unpleasant. These expectations, in turn, discourage intimacy, entrenching the “politeness and fine manners” of small talk as the norm in everyday discourse. Indeed, everyday conversation seems to be anything but a stream of deep and meaningful exchanges: Fewer than half of people’s conversations are substantive and meaningful.
The fine manners of small talk aside, empirical research suggests notable benefits of having more “deep talk” in everyday life. Deep and meaningful conversations strengthen social ties, relieve the psychological burdens of secrecy or negative emotional experiences, and speed the development of close relationships. Presumably because positive social relationships bring happiness and wellbeing, those who spend more time engaging in deep talk tend to be happier than those who spend relatively more time in small talk.
People naturally crave meaningful connections. By discussing topics that matter to them, such as their passions and purpose, you can foster deeper relationships and enhance overall well-being.
The Takeaway
So, what’s the secret to becoming a great networker?
How do we make great connections, build life-long relationships, and become hugely successful?
According to research, it seems to boil down to one question:
No, it’s not a trick question.
It’s one that many of us seem to ponder these days …
Here are a few more ways to become more likable:
Find Common Ground - Do you have common interests? Do you share similar backgrounds or experiences? Do you have similar goals and ambitions?
Positive Body Language - Are your arms open or closed? Are you making eye contact or looking around? Are you smiling and laughing or lack emotion?
Match & Mirror - Are you able to match your mannerisms to their mannerisms? Can you align your energy to their energy? This technique, made popular by Tony Robbins, has proven to make people feel “instantly connected”.
The bottom line, our tendency to avoid cognitive dissonance plays a significant role in our social interactions.
By engaging in meaningful conversations, we can create a sense of familiarity and understanding, which naturally leads to increased rapport.
After all, why would we invest time and energy in a relationship that doesn't bring us joy or fulfillment?
One final thought.
I’ll admit, I’ve had many professionals disagree with these viewpoints.
They would insist:
Shouldn't the primary focus be on them hearing my elevator pitch?
Isn’t it important to emphasize my accomplishments and value?
Yes, but not as the priority objective.
Remember, people often don’t remember what you say.
They remember how you made them feel.
Have a great weekend!
- Mike
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